yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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