dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
