There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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