I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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