So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
