I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
