She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can text with my tongue
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
