Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
