Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
