He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
