He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
