I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
