those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
