I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
