Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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