I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
