So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize