my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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