I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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