And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
