I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize