why didn't you poke me back
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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