I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
