its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
