Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
