I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
