I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize