The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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