According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
