so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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