the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
