you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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