If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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