I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
