he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
