I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
