Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
