hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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