have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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