In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You dont lie about slip and slides
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
