can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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