Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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