I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
