Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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