it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
