I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
