you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
