its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
