You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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