he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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