I hate your face
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
