Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
