i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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