Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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