went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
