in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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