He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
