hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
