Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
