Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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