can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
BRING THE BAGELS
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize