Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
