Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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