do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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