I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
