you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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