SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize