i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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