i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
