i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize