he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
